The Big Talk
18+ verhaal
I was tired, I didn't sleep well. But I was excited to see her again. So when she picked me up from the cafeteria, I gave her a big hug. When we got to her place, we kissed and I just held her tightly. I had to go to sleep for just a second. She suggested to start cooking already while I was relaxing. I liked it. She made a nice meal. I had the impression she developed more feelings for me. We talked about my email and how I would like to see things. After that, we had the best love making ever. Even more than before, I took the time to enjoy our moment. She was so beautiful, the way she looked as I slowly slided back and forth into her. It was full desire, emotion and soul.
In my experience, as an emotional being, making love is the most beautiful phenomenon in the world. Not the pornographic type. The one in which you slowly and gently feel each other and the emotion that it brings along. The one you look deeply into someone's eyes. And at the right timing, with the right movement, with the gentle touch, you may see a glimpse of that person's soul. The way you kiss each other and hold hands with locked fingers, the way you touch each other's face, neck or shoulder. This whole beauty of real love making, the way a person is turned inside out and you can see the full vulnerability, tenderness and desire. The sight of beauty, the scent of intimacy across the room, the touch of desire and the sound of delight: Nothing will ever come close like that.
When we finished, we just lied into each other's arms. I didn't want us to have another talk without actual clear agreements. So she had to sum up what we agreed:
1. When people ask, we have a nice time with each other and we like to be with each other but it is not official.
2. We can be intimate with each other in public and she will not decline any affectionate advance and I will try to be less affectionate in public.
3. She will always play open cards when she has the urge or desire to do something with someone else and I will give her the freedom in doing so. I will trust her in her openness and honesty.
4. I am hers. She will trust me in not doing anything with someone else.
She didn't like me to sleep over, because we always sleep badly when we spend the night together. So I went to a friend and made a joke that I will make her come. I thought it was pretty funny, especially the way she reacted. She didn't like it at all and said fuck you with a sneer on her face. Hahahaha! So I threw her on the bed, went on top and told her that I was just joking. 'Honey, I am yours..." as I touched my heart on the word I and touched hers on the word yours. And before I left, I whispered: you are mine.., as I reversed the order of touching her heart and mine. She nodded with a smile on her face.
I felt what I was doing. And when I talked with my friend that evening as I was at her place, I actually knew what I was doing. I was confusing Lily. I am giving her the impression that she is free to do as she please and that freedom is there to. But let's be honest.. when you meet someone with whom you have a very good time and you are crazy about and you have a certain thing going on, would you feel the urge to do something with others? My female friend would not. Neither would I. No normal person would be able to do that. Not on that level. Maybe if you are drunk and horny. But not on that intimate level like she and I had. At least that is my hypothesis.
And even if she was intimate with others, it would not hurt me, it would arouse me. I freed myself from any emotional chains (in theory). I got what I wanted: her being fully open and her giving existence to something that is playing between her and me. No longer am I just a dance partner. And we can be more intimate in public.
She, however, is in the weaker position. She knows I can be intimate with others. She knows how I can make women feel. And she is incredibly jealous. The thought of me being intimate with others makes her sick. So I can tease her with me flirting with others or joking about doing things with other women. But it doesn't work the other way around. In conclusion and in theory, I am superior to her in this situation.
Maybe now it will only be a matter of time before I get full acknowledgment and that she will not feel that urge anymore. Even now she told me that the thought is just really weird of being commited to each other the way we agreed while being intimate with others. She was right and I knew that. But I told her that was because she was talking from a social standard accepted view. She agreed. In the back of my mind, however, I knew it was not about something social. It was a matter of feeling. And I have made a real effort in not making her realize that, because now is too early. She would have to figure it out herself due time. I am just waiting patiently.
For the win.
In my experience, as an emotional being, making love is the most beautiful phenomenon in the world. Not the pornographic type. The one in which you slowly and gently feel each other and the emotion that it brings along. The one you look deeply into someone's eyes. And at the right timing, with the right movement, with the gentle touch, you may see a glimpse of that person's soul. The way you kiss each other and hold hands with locked fingers, the way you touch each other's face, neck or shoulder. This whole beauty of real love making, the way a person is turned inside out and you can see the full vulnerability, tenderness and desire. The sight of beauty, the scent of intimacy across the room, the touch of desire and the sound of delight: Nothing will ever come close like that.
When we finished, we just lied into each other's arms. I didn't want us to have another talk without actual clear agreements. So she had to sum up what we agreed:
1. When people ask, we have a nice time with each other and we like to be with each other but it is not official.
2. We can be intimate with each other in public and she will not decline any affectionate advance and I will try to be less affectionate in public.
3. She will always play open cards when she has the urge or desire to do something with someone else and I will give her the freedom in doing so. I will trust her in her openness and honesty.
4. I am hers. She will trust me in not doing anything with someone else.
She didn't like me to sleep over, because we always sleep badly when we spend the night together. So I went to a friend and made a joke that I will make her come. I thought it was pretty funny, especially the way she reacted. She didn't like it at all and said fuck you with a sneer on her face. Hahahaha! So I threw her on the bed, went on top and told her that I was just joking. 'Honey, I am yours..." as I touched my heart on the word I and touched hers on the word yours. And before I left, I whispered: you are mine.., as I reversed the order of touching her heart and mine. She nodded with a smile on her face.
I felt what I was doing. And when I talked with my friend that evening as I was at her place, I actually knew what I was doing. I was confusing Lily. I am giving her the impression that she is free to do as she please and that freedom is there to. But let's be honest.. when you meet someone with whom you have a very good time and you are crazy about and you have a certain thing going on, would you feel the urge to do something with others? My female friend would not. Neither would I. No normal person would be able to do that. Not on that level. Maybe if you are drunk and horny. But not on that intimate level like she and I had. At least that is my hypothesis.
And even if she was intimate with others, it would not hurt me, it would arouse me. I freed myself from any emotional chains (in theory). I got what I wanted: her being fully open and her giving existence to something that is playing between her and me. No longer am I just a dance partner. And we can be more intimate in public.
She, however, is in the weaker position. She knows I can be intimate with others. She knows how I can make women feel. And she is incredibly jealous. The thought of me being intimate with others makes her sick. So I can tease her with me flirting with others or joking about doing things with other women. But it doesn't work the other way around. In conclusion and in theory, I am superior to her in this situation.
Maybe now it will only be a matter of time before I get full acknowledgment and that she will not feel that urge anymore. Even now she told me that the thought is just really weird of being commited to each other the way we agreed while being intimate with others. She was right and I knew that. But I told her that was because she was talking from a social standard accepted view. She agreed. In the back of my mind, however, I knew it was not about something social. It was a matter of feeling. And I have made a real effort in not making her realize that, because now is too early. She would have to figure it out herself due time. I am just waiting patiently.
For the win.
12 mrt 2015 - bewerkt op 12 mrt 2015
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BlackDahlia (opgeheven op 21-11-2015)
donderdag 12 maart 2015 20:19
Uhh she's free to sleep around but you are not??
And the love you describe in your story that
isn't love she sees you as a friend with benefits.
Sorry to break the bubble. -
Ferdinando
donderdag 12 maart 2015 21:05
Haha well first of all it's bursting a bubble. Second of all, it's a bit arrogant for you to tell others what love is or isn't. Third, even if it was about the benefits, if you implicitly imply that no one in actual relationships perceive others as beneficial in their own egocentric way, you must be naive in your own way. Fourth of all, if it were indeed friends of benefits, then her being jealous would hardly be an element of friendship. Fifth of all, directly related to the second, you probably love your parents too but you don't want to fuck em, do you?
Lastly, we'll see how the story unfolds.
Keep your pessimism to yourself honey
-
BlackDahlia (opgeheven op 21-11-2015)
donderdag 12 maart 2015 22:35
People are free to say what they think and i didn't mean it in a
arrogant way.
But i think it is isn't fair that she can have that ''fun'' with others
and you can't.
Oh and thanks for correcting my English. -
Ferdinando
vrijdag 13 maart 2015 01:50
Thank you for your concern. There is only one thing you are forgetting and that's the norm you are referring to.
To be fair, the spectrum of love is like that of color. And in a general sense it is hard to explain to someone what purple is when he or she only sees blue or red.
If she has the urge to be intimate with someone else,then I accept (theoretically). Actually it is more than just accepting (see previous post [when fear becomes excitement], then you may understand).
In the end, I think loving someone is not to reflect your behavior to that of your partner. We are all different and true love comes from both accepting that the other person is different and that you put effort in a kind way to make it work nonetheless that works for both parties.
"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you would like them to do so, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they've got."
In the end, love is just this: (the intention) to put effort in being related in such a way in which you do not lack towards him or her without losing who you are inside. And I think that for now this is what we are doing. Despite our different views, we try to make it work. Love is richness. If I try to make it work the way only I see fit, I am not honouring the phenomenon of love as a whole. And I even haven't talked about my belief that love requires timing.
Like Fitzgerald said, and I quote: There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice.
If I don't accept something, I have confidence to be able to talk with her about my discontent and vica versa.I am patient and we'll see where it goes.
In the meantime: game on
-
Mini*_
vrijdag 13 maart 2015 03:02
I absolutely adore the way you describe making love
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