Single towards satiety

My weekend wasn't all that bad. Yesterday I had dinner with my best friend, we talked a lot. We didn't have much time to talk before during these weeks, so we had a lot of catching up to do. After dinner I had to hand in an assignment still. Eventually Li dropped me off at Ayke's. Her father celebrated his B-day on Saturday and the guests were already gone when I arrived. It was weird being around with my ex family in law again. I had a sense of nostalgia that came upon me, even got me emotional for a bit. It was a good evening and it felt really good that my ex-parents in law are still welcoming my presence. I guess some things don't really change that drastically.
The next day I went back to my place and moved some furnature in my room to create more space. I am wanting to buy a bench that I can use for bench presses. I've been missing out on those exercises. Have been missing out on a lot of lifting these days because of Kris. Being in love and being hearbroken really disrupts my training days. I lost a lot of weight. It's time to catch up again.

I also went to dance kizomba and salsa at Best. I did enjoy myself and Kris wasn't there obviously. I wonder what's she's doing nowadays., how she and her boyfriend are getting along. I guess I won't know for a while. I still believe she is my dreamwife. Despite the fact that she and I don't have much in common, we argue a lot, we don't understand each other, the fact that she has joint and back problems etc. I am still in love with her..

However, I like to set up mini projects on the side, next to my study and work. Of course I need some distraction. Feminine distraction.

The one that is closests is the one of which I managed to get her phone number after a conversation in the train. We will have a drink end this week. Let's call her Project A. She's in her late 20's, a typical Dutch sober woman.

Then there is a woman in her beginning 20's, dutch as well. I like her curves. Wondering a lot about her in a bodily sense. I will see her Thursday at the social party. Project B.

The third one, project C is also a Dutch girl in her late 20's. We already wound up in bed with each other, but I was unable to persuade myself having sex with her. I was still grieving about Kristina. But maybe after a few months, it will be different.

Project D is a girl I met in Budapest during a kizomba festival. She has an open relationship with her friend and is clearly interested in me as she decidedto visit me after Christmas. We had a good connection at the festival and we've been exchanging messages ever since. Looking really forward to her stay.

The last one, project E, is a girl who I know from the kizomba scence in Amsterdam, just like project B and C. However, we have been intimate before. We have no means of starting a relationship and like to keep it simple and unrestricted. She will return from her internship from abroad beginning January.

There was another one, project F, but that girl is too innocent. Just turned 20's and really thinks I am her perfect guy. I confessed to her that I am actually not such a good guy, I love women and I love hunting. I told her it's better to be friends so I will not hurt her and in that way I can respect her in a way that is in line with how she should be treated. She didn't respond to my message, I think she needs to cope with the slap in her face (figure speaking).

Summing up al those 'projects', I must say that I kind of like my single life. Dividing my attention to several people creates more peace and calmness inside me. I call them projects, because I do not consider myself to be fully dedicated to them nor do I see myself growing old with them. They are just nice temporary investments, I will treat them as such and I will approach them as such. No illusions, no lies, no pain. For no one. My heart belongs to Kristina. I don't think it will change any day soon. It does raise the question how I will be able to be really intimate with someone else when Kristina is still in my head. The love making we had.. it was perfect. I don't know if I want to go back to regular sex. I prefer not to have sex at all. For now. Which doesn't have to be a bad thing. Just go with the flow. We'll see how the projects develop and how things will evolve.

I miss you Kristina. Oshte v surtseto mi.